A Day In Palm Desert

Happy Monday, everyone. Today I wanted to share my day in Palm Desert, California. It is a tradition to go every year as a family vacation. This year we decided to go only for a day to just chill out and relax. I personally have a love hate relationship with Palm Desert because it’s 106 degrees F and I’m not a fan of the heat. It gives me a bad sinus headache. BUT, I love the desert. I mean look at these beautiful rugged mountains.

Although I’m not friends with the sun, I do like to come out here to think. I wanted to treat this trip as my mental health day. I desperately needed one since I’ve been so anxious lately, to the point where I can’t sleep well at night anymore. Since I come here every year, I wanted to reflect on how I’ve changed over the years. Oh man, have I changed. My mindset is completely different and I’ve changed so much as a person (in good ways and bad ways). For example, lately I’ve realized I’m a people pleaser. I even write that with denial. But, it’s true. I’ve been trying to make other people in my life happy and I stopped caring about my own feelings, my own goals, my own happiness. I’m trying to transition into putting myself first but how could I when I’ve been putting myself last for years. Who am I as a person? What do I enjoy doing?

I usually let others decide where we should eat and where we should go. I mean, I don’t actually care what we do or where we go, but damn. What do I actually want to do? I’ve been so comfortable letting others choose so they could be happy, that I put my own happiness aside. But, it’s my fault because I don’t know what the heck makes me happy! I’m also frustrated that I let this happen, because I never used to be like this when I was younger. I knew exactly what I liked, where I wanted to go, and what I wanted to eat. Where did everything take a turn? How did I lose myself? 

Well, what I do know is I LOVED to read. Like, A LOT. I would love to read fiction books in high school to escape the real world and just not focus on reality for a few hours a day. I recently started listening to nonfiction audiobooks, but it’s definitely not the same. I wanted to read something that isn’t real and a little bit of drama because I have to admit my life is a little dull at the moment. This isn’t a bad thing because I hate drama but this is fake! I brought this murder mystery book In a Dark, Dark Wood by Ruth Ware to get me back into reading. I finished reading it and it was a little slow but I enjoyed her writing style and detail to each character.

Point being, I’m trying to find myself. I’m still trying to figure out who I want to be as a person without society influencing my choices. No, I don’t want a baby. No, I don’t want a fancy car. No, I don’t want a job that pays well but makes me feel empty inside. I want meaning. I want fulfillment. I don’t know what the hell that is yet, but I’m sure as hell going to find out. Cheers to finding yourself ?

This little road trip was a perfect chance to reflect on who I was, who I am today and what I want for MY future. It was such a relaxing and rejuvenating trip. I have a lot of work to do on myself, so I’m grateful I took this time to decompress and focus on myself and my needs. This post wasn’t supposed to be a reflection but it kind of just turned into that. I hope you enjoyed reading that my life isn’t perfect and I never want to portray it as so. I’m struggling. I’m trying to get better. Life’s a process. Thanks for all the memories, Palm Desert ?☀️

Until next time,

       

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